So I figured that I might as well take advantage of the fact that I cant sleep and have been tossing and turning for the last three hours and write a little in this here blog. Seeing that its been awhile since my last update, I thought I should write, plus I hope that by writing I can get some of the mind racing out of my head and onto the screen. I have really been struggeling lately with a lot of things and I really think that is what is keeping me up tonight. I woke up around 1:45 and around 3:15 I picked up an old journal that I had from my Youth In MIssion trip that I kept, and have used a few other times since then. I dont know what made me grab that journal as opposed to a book, but I did. I started reading and realized how good God has been to me and how unfaithful I have been to him. I was reading a part of the journal from YIM training camp ( now mind you this was in the summer of 2006) and I wrote about an evening service in where I was literally shaking inside from the presence of God and the calling I knew He was placing on my life. Now almost three years later, I ask myself where that shaking went? Where did that passion to serve go? Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont feel called anymore because I very much so do. I just need that filling presence of God to come and grab hold of me. Its been awhile since Ive felt it. I need to be washed in the "Healing Rain." I have made a lot of dumb mistakes in my life and yet I always know God will be there waiting for my return. I dont want to have to keep running back to him, I want to be with him at all times, in His arms of mercy and grace. Its there where I feel safe. I see that safe haven when I look at my students at the center. The things in their lives that dont even compare to the things that I have gone through, and yet some of these students have more faith in Christ then I do at times. This morning I received an email from Chuck with a poem from a 14 year old student and this is what she wrote:
The Found Place
Just when i thought god was gone let me down
he came and lifted me up from the scum of the ground
hiding behind broken tears and a shattered soul is all gone now
for i have a reason for being around
lost is not an option
but step into life with pure caution
never take it like for a laughs when your joke'n
living is the best word ever to be spoken
im free im full and safe
for the lord has cast upon me and helped me find my place
I am sitting in my apartment right now and its now 4:34 and I hear sirens outside, I think to myself how short life is and when a 14 year old can write something so powerful it makes me realize how much I take for granted. I NEED GOD... I need Him now more than ever, I need and intervention... God is intervening for me and I am so glad he is on my side! For when God is for us who can be against us.
Please pray for a filling in my life, I know that I will be... I am still not tired, but I definately needed to get all of those crazy thoughts out of my head and onto something so that I could try and get some sleep before its too late! Luckily I dont go into work until 3! Good Night <3
