Hmmm... so I have earased this blog twice now because I feel like Im at a loss of words as to what I truely want to say. So here it is... yesterday and today at the center we have had some HUGE anger/fighting problems with a few of the boys at the center. Im at a loss, I feel like I have nothing to offer them and no way to relate to them because 1.) Im a girl and 2.) Ive never had to fight for my life. When I go home at night, its not a matter of where Im gonna sleep, if my electricity is going to be on, whose going to be home, etc. etc. I take those little things for granted.
I am literally sitting on my bed right now with 6 or 7 books looking for something that can help me in anyway relate or maybe not relate but just speak to these guys. Now dont get me wrong, it isnt just the guys, its the ladies too at times, but it seems like more and more the attitudes of the guys are getting more and more aggressive. These kids have caused me more stress and heartache over the last 6 months then my family and friends. I have completely and totally invested my life in what some would call complete and total strangers. God has called me into Urban ministry, and I am still not sure why, but I am loving every minute of it.
I know that answers cant always be found in a book, and I also know that I wont have a solution to every problem, but I do know that when things are going badly I can always ask God for a little strength and patience and He will provide.
Over the last 6 months I couldnt even begin to tell you some of the stories that these kids have come to me with everything from needing helping filling out a form for STD's/HIV to no knowing wether or not they are the parent of a child. These are things that I have never had to experience first hand, and its sad that some of these kids are facing this alone. As I look back on my youth workers from when I was in junior high and high school, they were some of the closest people to me. People like Tina and Troy who I could literally go to with anything and even now 9-10 years later I can still call them up on the phone just to talk. I can only hope that one day some of my kids can say the same about me. I want to be a youth worker that makes a difference. I want these kids to know how much I care. I wont lie, there are times that I feel what I am doing is pointless because these kids are driving me crazy, but at the end of the day I cant wait for center to resume the next day and to see the smiling (most of the times) faces of my kids walk through the door.
I know this blog probably makes no sense at all but thats ok. If your reading this and you were one of my youth workers growing up... THank You... I know I probably never said it, but you helped mold me into the person Ive become today. I only hope that I can be the youth worker that you were to me to the kids that I am ministering to on a daily basis!
Love ya,
Jess
1 comment:
You are doing a fantastic job with these kiddos. YOu know that at the end of the day they are excited to see Ms. Jessica with the smile on your face. You should feel wonderful for all that you do for them and how you make them feel. It takes time-and the help will come-we just have to do it one step at a time.
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